Tierra mi cuerpo
Agua mi sangre
Aire mi aliento
Y fuego mi espiritu
I learned this song when the plants guided me to my first plant spirit training. We would sing the song during spiritual plant limpias (cleanings) and when we would harvest plants. It always spoke to me in a deep way. A prayer to the elements called out to my own inner elements, a yearning to deepen my relationship with Mother nature and all her fierce, yet gentle teachings. Over the years I noticed each soul journey I took was bringing up a element that wanted to be integrated. I started with air and ether, balancing the ungrounded winds that would sweep me away. The last element I am integrating is fire and its been the longest journey, that has given me the most potent and hardest challenges but well worth it!
I have always loved fire even at a young age, I remember staring into the camp fires and being sent into a deep trance, as if there was a void all around me, sounds would dissipate and I would become the fire. As I got older starting a fire became a challenge that brought up so much anger, rage, anxiety, nervous tension, a overwhelmed feeling or I would freeze. I was aware that the fire brought up so much for me and I didn't know how to work with the element in a healing way. When I was in Peru I was in charge of starting the fire every morning so I could cook breakfast. I would dread waking up to the tension that people were depending on me to start the flame, as soon as I would get the flame started it would go out and after numerous tries I would give up.
Four years ago I had a deep yearning to learn and understand temazcal ceremonies with a teacher in Mexico. This certainly was the hook to have me face the fire once again and connect to the fire element! When it came time for me to light the fire for the temazcal my teacher looked at me and said I was not ready "you still have too much anger to heal before working with the temazcal, you may be able to light the fire but the wind of anger comes behind and blows the fire out." Her words sat with me for a few more years, I kept attracting situations where I was asked to light the fire. I learned how to do agnihotra ceremonies at my yoga training and worked through alot of layers with the fire. I practiced every morning for a month to make a fire with cow dung and ghee in a copper pyramid. I still found my stomach turning at the thought of lighting a fire, to face what I wanted to transform. I started praying to the fire to help me, so I started rising early to practice making fires in my home, where I could go at my own pace, building trust and confidence with myself.
In November I had a friend who moved to Antigua, Guatemala, a place that has never been on my radar. But something deep within was calling me, so I went on another soul journey and bought a one way ticket to Guatemala. She was the hook to get me there. I was in search to meet Mayan elders who I could learn from and be involved in earth based ceremonies. I was led to the elders after a fall that resulted in breaking my right wrist. When I was treated by a Doctor in Antigua I knew I had to seek out a traditional bone setter to correct the malpractice. I was led to Nan Chila through a friend who was connected with a Mayan family that led me to the bone setter. It really was pure magic how it happened. The night I arrived to the bone setters house I immediately felt her fire energy and healing energy. She counted on her fingers to determine my Mayan sign and number, so that she could see my soul path and look at why the accident may of happened. I was immediately adopted by two separate families who carry the Mayan lineage of the Ancestors, they have been a stable rock as I continue to heal. They recommended I do a personal fire ceremony to clear any karmas from the past, so that I could move forward on my path and relieve me from any future accidents. This was the first fire ceremony I attended that was personalized and where I felt deeply connected to my ancestors and adopted ancestors. At this moment I knew my connection to my own fire element was being liberated. I stood at the fire and wept, all the anger left me; for the first time I received the fire as a potent ally, where I was ready to transmute all old believes from the past.
The fire was asking me to set down my baggage and be done carrying the heaviness. To be free and ask for strength to receive, a stern message that now is not the time to be giving. I celebrated my 37th year face to face with the fire element. A week later I found myself at my healers house while a fire ceremony was about to happen and then I kept getting invited to more. I showed up and faced every flame, resting on my knees, kissing the earth with so much gratitude. These potent experiences will continue to be a part of my life. I still cry for every flame, seeing all the woman healers who were burned for knowing the wisdom of nature. For all the ancestors that stepped into the fire, carving the path for many woman to bring forth the medicine. For now I lay the battle within to rest and ask for grace and determination to transmute the history of our woman. Yet this time we wont be burned at the stake for communing with mother nature nor the elements. I invite you to meditate on a vision you are trying to birth. Sit with it for 30 days and feed the intention into a candle or fire. See what is transmuted, you may be very surprised at the results. Call in your ancestors or adopted ancestors to stand around you in a circle and receive the gifts with your left hand.
A dove from my heart, Sondra